What To Do When Someone Who Know Is Hurting

Dear Fellow Humans,

If you don’t know what to say when someone is hurting, it is OK! Silence and sitting with someone in the pain are sometimes the best (and only) gifts you could offer.

When life sucks

hearts hurt

depression returns

adoptions fail

the bottom drops out

and cancer wins….

We need to give people the freedom to scream, cry, or whatever the heck they need (side note: they often don’t know bc they are often in shock themselves so please also add “let me know what you need” to this list too).  Look, they don’t want to be here but they are.  And you, well you have the amazing privilege to walk with them in the trenches of life.  People don’t need quick and easy answers because there is nothing quick and easy about grief, depression and all the other messy stuff.

It is ok for them to not be “ok” because in reality, if they were ok after something really horrible happened, they wouldn’t be human.  They would be robots.  So unless you prefer robots, let’s let the people we love be fragile, broken and unapologetically who they are, wherever they are.


A therapist who wishes that we sometimes had mute buttons when people say stupid stuff (myself included!)