The Self-Care Myth & A Better Approach
These days it is not hard to find an abundance of conflicting advice when it comes to the much-touted concept of “self-care.”
Book a spa day; develop your own curriculum; get away for a week or three; weave your kids’ clothes from yarn you harvest from your own sheep.
A quick scroll through social media, talk with friends, or flip on the TV and you are pretty much guaranteed to hear opinions on the subject of self-care.
Most of the talk of self-care veers between two extremes– neither of which actually achieves much in terms of caring for yourself.
Self-Care Extreme #1: Over Self-Indulgence
This view of self-care purports that getting your nails done or going out for a girls’ night will magically fuel you for weeks on end.
Click ‘add to cart’ and your patience with your kids will instantly increase…according to this school of thought.
The problem?
While all of these activities can be fun in the moment (they all sound great as a matter of fact!), most of us can agree that while these things have their place, the condition of our cuticles simply doesn’t help give us more bandwidth when we are dealing with siblings at each other's throats nor when bedtime stretches out for seemingly endless hours.
Self-Care Extreme #2: Total Self-Neglect
On the other end of the spectrum are the voices saying that doing anything that is not directly and exclusively for the benefit of your kids is selfish. These are the same voices that glorify exhaustion and depletion.
A message of shame is sent around spending any time apart from your children.
So often when we position ourselves as doing things only for others, yet doing nothing to maintain our own well-being, the exact opposite of selfless service actually occurs.
Have you ever found yourself losing your patience more quickly, not enjoying activities with your kids, or merely going through the motions when you have run yourself into the ground? As the old adage goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
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When we position ourselves as doing things only for others, yet doing nothing to maintain our own well-being, the exact opposite of selfless service actually occurs.
A Self-Care Shift:
Stewardship
What if we instead shifted our perspective from the two extremes of self-indulgence or self-neglect to the stewardship of the self?
What if we shifted our mindset to a posture of intentionally stewarding who God has created us to be—to the unique gifts, talents, and personality with which He has equipped us and you alone?
What if by taking care of yourself in ways that renew and restore you, you actually had more of yourself to pour out to others?
We are better equipped to care for others when we also care for ourselves.
Look for the activities, routines, and rhythms that make you feel more like yourself and give you a sense of renewal. Pursue those often.
Don’t force yourself to align with one of two extremes.
These likely won’t look like what the world is glamorizing, and they probably will look different from your neighbor, sister, or friend.
Reflect on the things that do increase your bandwidth and foster your gifts, rather than depending on a temporary fix or eschewing anything that’s not parenting related.
When you steward who you are made to be, watch how it cares for your soul and, in turn, pours over to others.
Meet the Author - Tyler Drouet
I’m Tyler, and my passion is to help families create a more peaceful home, not through a set of rigid rules, but by equipping parents with the tools they need to tackle every up and down.
Click here to learn more about the benefits of parent coaching and if it may be right for you.
Tyler Drouet, MA, Ed.S
Parenting Coach & Consultant
