How to Connect with Your Child: Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships
"Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is."
- Jedi Master Yoda
Do you remember what it felt like to be a kid? The long, hot days of summer with the impending doom of school right around the corner. I invite you to sit back and remember the feelings during those years. Perhaps you remember the panic of talking to your crush at school. Or maybe you remember the feelings you had when your friends got a higher grade on a test than you. We remember as kids feeling the intense emotions of these moments, but as adults, we are able to recognize they are fairly insignificant in the long run.
If someone were to ask me what have been the most important moments of my life , my mind would immediately think about my wedding day or the birth of my child. I doubt any of those moments I listed above would even crack the top 20 most important moments. As an adult, it is so easy to look back on those memories now and realize they were relatively small moments in the grand scheme of things. Yet for a kid, it is actually the most intense moment they may have ever experienced!
Oftentimes, I will hear parents say something along the lines of, "my child 's a great kid, they just tend to overreact about small things." While it may be true that the child's response to the situation is not helpful, these moments are anything but small to them. Kids want to feel like they matter to their parents, and by extension, they want to feel the things they think are important, matters to their parents. The key to unlocking your child's heart is not to try and convince them the moment was small, but rather getting on their level and seeing why, to them, the moment was big. Thinking about a situation from your child's perspective can provide a unique patience and understanding that actually allows you to connect with one another rather than asking them to think about the situation from your perspective. As adults, we know what it is like to be a child. They do not know what it is like to be an adult.
One of my greatest joys of parenting is to relive my memories through the eyes of my child. By remembering or viewing the world through his perspective, I am able to understand what is a big deal to him and why. When kids feel their parents care about what they care about, it builds confidence and connection. One day, there will be truly big moments we as parents want our kids to invite us into. But that will require us to show them that we are on their side and that things that are a big deal to them, are a big deal to us. By building this habit early, children are more likely to invite you into the moments that do matter. Because they know you will care about it, no matter what.
So when your child seems completely engrossed in playing with their action figures or they are excited to share a new game they invented with you, get down on their level and play. Show them these moments are big to you. The same goes for when they are upset about a friend not talking to them at school or not getting a snack at the store. Take a deep breath, lean in, and remember they want to matter to you.
