Dating in 2024
The dating experience can so quickly turn from an exciting rush to a discouraging source of pain. What can initially seem fun, freeing and rewarding can often become a huge source of insecurity. Sometimes it is the amount of time it takes. "What if I am the problem?" Other times, the dating pool can be…less than desirable. "Maybe my standards are too high and I just need to deal with it." These thoughts are not uncommon but I do believe they are mistaken. I often hear that dating in our modern culture results in people either compromising their standards or becoming jaded and hurt over and over. What if there was an approach that could result in feeling confident, healthy, and valued, despite the outcome of your next match or date?
What if your overall dating experience was more based on your decisions rather than the 'yes or no' of someone else?
In our culture, dating has become so intertwined with our perception of self. "It is about who I am as a person, the good and the bad, and if someone else is willing to be with me." In this culture, rejection feels personalized and shameful. And no wonder! If their acceptance or rejection is based on if they are willing to be with me and my flaws, and they turn me down, my natural conclusion would be that my flaws are too great or my strengths are not strong enough. I believe that our current culture makes us feel like our success at dating comes down to who we are as people rather than a skill that can be improved.
Now, you might be saying to yourself, "who is this guy? I've tried! Is his idea of helping really just a long way of saying 'focus on yourself'?" And you would be right to ask that. I believe that anyone who has experienced a loss of hope in the dating process has tried new methods of dating, perhaps to the point of exasperation. My hope for you is that these tips focus less on how you date and focus more on improving the experience itself. So here are five tips to improve the dating experience.
Identify your own interests and pursue them regularly. This makes us more interesting as we meet new people and people who have similar interests are fun to spend time with.
Practice socializing in low-risk environments. Try talking to the person behind you in the grocery store line, or when you run into a neighbor. Not every conversation needs to be with someone we are interested in either. This helps us increase our chances of finding someone who we get along with but more importantly, it gets us used to talking to new people, which is going to come in handy when we find someone we actually do like.
Identify your own patterns in dating relationships. What goes well? What does not? By knowing our tendencies we can be prepared for situations to avoid and find strengths we may have previously overlooked!
Improve your own mental health. Mentally attractive people attract other mentally attractive people. This looks different for everyone too! Whether it is starting your own counseling journey or becoming more active in your hobbies, being mentally healthy is attractive and can help prevent the shame cycle if a date doesn't go as we had hoped!
Do not put all your eggs in one basket. Consider when you apply for a job. Perhaps it is a job you are very excited for and want desperately. We still send our resumes to other openings, that way, if one does not work out we are staying active in the market. Until we are dating someone, work to keep following the four tips above and keep meeting new people.
Dating can feel incredibly isolating at times but you don't have to go through it alone. If you want to talk to someone and feel like you have someone in your corner who can help you navigate this complex world, we would love to partner with you to help you on this journey. Reach out to us today and let's help you with a personalized plan for successful dating!
JOIN US for our DATING SEMINAR
We are looking for adult singles who struggle with finding a date worth keeping. We will be addressing the common pitfalls of the dating landscape and share practical advice for finding a date. This is not a mixer, or a place to find a date, but rather a time to learn, share, and ask how you can improve your dating experience. This event will be held virtually and will feature a presentation and a time for discussion and asking questions. Details below 👇
🔗 Register 👉 https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZMucuCvrjkuH9zarJAuGW1Ts2Wdt5GVTGtl
