How to teach your kid to talk about feelings
Over the past several years, our culture has placed great emphasis on seeking mental health care and prioritizing wellness, whether it be relationally, emotionally, spiritually or physically. This shift has resulted in people learning how to break free of generational addictions, how to be a better friend or supportive spouse, and how to form healthy, lifelong habits that benefit them and their families. It has brought healing and hope to so many people and situations. However, this shift has left a lot of parents scratching their heads, wondering what they need to do to ensure their child develops these skills early on. Some may even find themselves questioning their own parenting skills if their child struggles with depression, anxiety, or behavioral issues.
Parents are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information there is about raising emotionally mature and healthy children. It can be so challenging to figure out where to begin. With that in mind, here are some tools for parents on how to start your child's wellness journey in the home and foster the mature, healthy, well-rounded person every parent wants their child to be.
1. Talk to your child about big emotions, the good and the bad, not just during the tantrums and mood swings! The goal is to normalize talking about feelings outside of distressing moments!
Example - "It must have felt really good that your friends were excited to see you! How did that make you feel?"
2. Share with your child what health and wellness looks for you and talk to your child about what helps you calm down. Ask them what sort of activities they enjoy to help make them feel calm or relaxed!
Example - "Sometimes I like to read my favorite book at the end of a long day. What do you like to do after a hard day?"
3. Point out and celebrate moments where your child shares how they are feeling in a healthy or mature way! Celebrating victories is more fun than pointing out all the times they may not get it quite right.
Example - "I know you were mad at me for not letting you stay at the playground longer, but I am so proud of you for being kind to your sister even though you were mad at me."
4. In an age appropriate way, share with your child the things that make you afraid, frustrated, or even excited. Model for them what it looks like to identify and feel these emotions, and also how to communicate them to others in respectful, healthy ways.
Example - "I am frustrated this line is taking so long. I wish it was going faster. What can we do to help pass the time?"
5. Tips 1-4 sound really nice on paper. When I am in the middle of the grocery store aisle with my son throwing a tantrum because I did not get him the snack he wanted, these tend to go out the window. Unfortunately, we as parents get it wrong. A lot. The final and most helpful tip is to acknowledge the mistake to your child and apologize. This can be perhaps the most helpful thing to model, because without acknowledging any of our mistakes, we unintentionally model perfection being the standard for our children. We teach them that being right is more important than the feelings of others.
Example - "I was not the nicest to you today when I got upset. I am sorry about that, and I should not speak to you that way."
