Questions to ask your child besides “how was your day?”
Your child hops in the car or walks through the door after their first day of school in just a few weeks. You are so excited to hear about their day so you burst with excitement eagerly asking, “how was your day?!” But to your dismay, they reply with a simple, “good.” Maybe you even follow up with "What did you do?!"and then all they say is "not much...."
Ever been in this situation? Maybe the problem is not as much in their response as it is with your question. As parents, you can reframe your question in order to invite your child to open up about their day. After a long day, it can be difficult for children to condense their whole day in a response. For this reason, it can be beneficial to ask more specific questions that open the door to deeper conversation that feels natural. Below you will see a list of examples to ask your child depending on their age range to foster and cultivate connection between you and your child.
For younger kids (Pre-school - Elementary)
How did you like your lunch today?
Who did you play with today?
What made you smile today?
What was difficult for you today?
Who did you enjoy playing with or talking to today?
Who did you sit next to at lunch today?
What did you play at recess? Who did you play with?
What made you happy today?
What are you excited for tomorrow at school?
When were you free to be yourself today?
What made you sad today?
When were you kind today?
How would you rank today on a scale of 1-10?
What is something you learned about today?
For older kids:
What is an obstacle you overcame today?
When did you notice yourself smiling today?
How were you kind to yourself today?
What did you accomplish today?
What do you wanna leave behind from today?
What challenges did you face today?
Who is someone you are enjoying getting to know?
When did you notice yourself smiling today?
Did anything make you laugh today?
Who did you talk to today at lunch?
Where do you see yourself growing?
How would you rank today on a scale of 1-10?
When were you kind today?
What is a fact that you learned today that you can teach me?
What is a goal you have for tomorrow?
*Important note: When your child responds to these questions, it is important for them to know that they have your full attention! You asked them these questions because you wanted to hear their response. Simple responses like “mm-hmm, ohhh, wow, tell me more” or asking questions like “what was that like for you? How did you respond? What are your thoughts about____? How did you feel when ____?” communicates to your child that you are fully attentive to them. Presence and attunement will always be some of the greatest gifts you can give to your child!
Sarah Durrance, MA,APC
Licensed Associate Professional Counselor
Meet the Author - Sarah Durrance
In a world that consistently promotes doing better and trying harder, Sarah aims to create an environment where you can let your defenses down, receive support, and know you are not on this journey alone.
