Helping Kids and Teens Navigate Big Emotions: Empowering Self-Expression and Self-Discovery
Growing up comes with a rollercoaster of emotions—sometimes overwhelming, sometimes confusing. Whether it’s anxiety about school, sadness from friendships changing, or frustration with family dynamics, all of these emotions are valid and important. As a community, we can work together to help kids and teens understand what their emotions are telling them, rather than feeling controlled by them.
Understanding Big Emotions
Most people, adults and kids alike, are conditioned to believe that there are "good" and "bad" emotions. One important reframe is understanding that there are no "good" or "bad" emotions—only positive and negative emotions. Emotions like happiness, excitement, and hope evoke positive feelings, while emotions like sadness, anger, and envy evoke negative feelings. This distinction is crucial because it teaches us that all emotions are important to feel and helps us to engage with those feelings to find the root cause, rather than avoid them and allow them to grow. Whether they make us feel better or worse, our emotions provide valuable information that we can learn from to better understand ourselves and our needs.
Emotions serve a purpose—they are signals, not problems. Helping kids recognize and interpret their feelings can equip them with the tools they need to navigate challenges with confidence. By providing validation and support, parents and caregivers can create a space where kids feel safe to express their emotions without judgment.
Encouraging Open Conversations
One of the most impactful ways to support a child through big emotions is to create a safe space for open conversations. Many kids bottle up their negative feelings because they think that it’s wrong to express or engage with them, but research has shown that expressing our feelings and engaging in healthy coping mechanisms and open conversations can help us understand the cause of those negative emotions. Encourage them to talk about how they feel without fear of punishment or dismissal. Simple phrases like “I see that you’re feeling upset, and that’s okay” or “Your feelings are important, and I’m here to listen” can go a long way in building emotional resilience.
In my time working with students, I’ve noticed that a lot of their anxiety comes from feeling shame about the emotions they are experiencing because they have been conditioned to believe that negative emotions are "bad." This can lead them to bottle up their feelings, hoping they will disappear. When that doesn’t happen, they may begin to believe that something is wrong with them for feeling the way they do. A way to combat this is to provide them with education around the messages their emotions might be trying to communicate.
A phrase I love to remind people of when discussing various emotions is "name it to tame it." This means that when we can name our emotions out loud, we gain power over them, allowing us to manage them more effectively. Processing emotions out loud through conversation helps us get to the root cause of our feelings, giving them less control over us and allowing for healthier coping mechanisms.
Practical Coping Strategies for Parents and Kids
Supporting children and teens in managing their emotions starts with acknowledging their feelings and pairing validation with practical coping tools. Here are some strategies that can help:
Breathing Exercises – Encouraging slow, deep breaths can help regulate emotions in moments of stress. Try the "4-7-8" method: inhale for four seconds, hold for seven, and exhale for eight.
Creative Outlets – Drawing, writing, or playing music can give kids an alternative way to process and express their emotions.
Movement and Nature – Physical activities like walking, running, or stretching can help release built-up tension. Being outside in nature can also have a calming effect.
Grounding Techniques – The "5-4-3-2-1" method (naming five things they see, four things they touch, three things they hear, two things they smell, and one thing they taste) can bring kids back to the present moment when feeling overwhelmed.
Mindfulness and Distraction – Guided meditations, listening to calming music, or engaging in a favorite hobby can help shift focus and ease anxious feelings.
Routine and Predictability – Consistency in daily routines can provide a sense of security and stability, which is especially helpful during emotional turbulence.
