When to worry and when to not worry for parents of teens with anxiety
Parenting is really hard. There are so many aspects of parenthood that demand so much of us, that the most challenging part can sometimes be the question of, "Am I doing the right thing for my kid?" We may find ourselves asking that question when we feed our child chicken nuggets for dinner. It may show up for you when you are wondering if changing schools would be best for your teen. Perhaps you feel it gnawing at you when you decide to let them go or not go hang out with friends on a school night. Now, with the rise in teen mental health awareness, we are flooded with books, articles, and videos about what a parent should do in regards to their teen's anxiety and mental health. It can be so difficult to cut through the noise and answer the question, "Am I doing the right thing?" In an effort to simplify that question, here is a list of warning signs to be on the lookout for in regards to your teen's anxiety and something you can do about it.
Decreased Social Interaction
Complete isolation from regular social commitments (extracurriculars, family, friends)
Less interest in the presence of others (seeming distracted, less verbal than usual)
New Resistance to their usual level of vulnerability (Less open with trusted others)
Action Step - Ask another trusted adult's perspective
If you are concerned about your teen's social activity level, the first step is to connect with a teacher or trusted parent to get their perspective first. It is possible that our teen has been engaging with us less, but it is important to figure out if this is consistent across their life. Do other adults notice similar concerns in other environments like school or at practice? This may be their teacher noticing they have been sitting alone at lunch, a coach reporting they are less vocal at practice, or a fellow parent expressing a change in their attitude while with friends.
Increased Technology Use
Resorting to video games or television exclusively (as opposed to their usual activities or hobbies)
Increased use in mobile games and social media (Either posting or scrolling through their feeds)
Using technology when in social settings to distract (when surrounded by others)
Action Step - Identify when they most frequently pick up technology
Technology is ever present in the lives of our teens. They need it for school, their social lives, and their extracurriculars. We also know technology can very easily suppress our ability to feel emotions. When our teen has had a hard day or perhaps a difficult conversation with us, do we notice they resort to using technology more than if it was a good day. If we believe this is occurring, the next best thing is to ensure we are regulated first, and then invite them to process those negative emotions with us, technology free.
Significant Change in Appetite
Sudden decrease or increase in food intake
Becoming more suddenly more picky about the food they eat
Only being comfortable eating in certain settings (not wanting to eat around others or at school)
Action Step - Ensure your child has their annual primary care visit
During their primary care visit, their pediatrician will be able to monitor their weight and eating habits. It is no surprise that teens tend to not make the healthiest choices, but these check ups are vital to check in on their weight and ensure they are getting enough nutrients. If the doctor reports a sudden increase or decrease in weight, use this as an opportunity to open a conversation with your teen and their doctor around their eating habits.
Becoming less or more productive at an activity, hobby, or school
Consuming thoughts about being better (Always focused on their outcomes)
Avoidance of taking responsibility for failure (Always looking for a reason for any negative outcome)
Resistance to performing in front of others (more than previously experienced)
Action Step - Ask them how you can help them improve in something important to them
This shows that you are invested in their success, but also not expecting them to do it alone. If their response is unusually avoidant or dismissive, it may be helpful to discuss with a professional to see if your teen is struggling from performance anxiety
Telling someone they feel anxious
Using words to describe feelings of fear, anger, or sadness
Behavior that is avoidant or unusually irritable around a loved activity (no longer passionate about an interest)
Less openness about their internal hopes and fears (they may express this to a friend, teacher, or trusted adult first)
Action Step - Reach out to a professional
When our teen communicates they are anxious with their words, behaviors or feelings, the best thing we can do is speak with a professional who will equip our teens with the words and tools they need to navigate these moments. It is also our job to learn that language with them, so that when they try to communicate in the future, we are hearing them accurately and can respond in a way that shows care and stability
The hope behind writing this is not to add another five things parents should or should not do to your list. We have enough of those. The hope is to encourage you that connecting with your teen and being curious and aware of their lives, interests, and habits is the best thing you can do for your teen's mental health. We cannot control their experiences or feelings, but we can make sure we are tuned in and listening so when they do try to communicate with us, we are ready and we hear them.
