3 Things to Remember After a Miscarriage
Your reaction is valid
While the biggest emotions you may be experiencing are pain and sadness, it is normal to feel anger, confusion, numbness, out of control, embarrassment, apathy, etc. Whatever your reaction is to this overwhelming loss, it is valid. You do not need to bring any additional disappointment or shame into this situation, so do not judge yourself for your own emotions. You will most likely have thoughts, emotions, behaviors that are confusing or feel out of character.
While we do not want to do anything that could hurt ourselves or others, it is normal for your reaction to have similarities and differences to what you might consider “normal.” It will take time to process and unpack all that you have been through, and you may need professional help to do so. So in the meantime, give yourself grace, feel the emotions, and know that it was not your fault.
A lot of people will not know what to say or do
After loss, you may look towards your partner, family and friends for support. Some may feel comfortable in knowing what to say, while others may feel at a loss. While it is not your job to educate others on how to best care for people going through a miscarriage, it can be incredibly helpful to just tell people what you need. You may not always know, but sometimes the simplest directives are what is going to help you most.
Maybe you need to tell your partner “Please just hold me while I cry,” or reach out to your mom, “Please bring us dinner tonight.” You might want to tell people to not try to make sense of the loss, and just let you know that they are here for you. Space may be what you need most and it is totally okay for you or your partner to tell others that you do not want to talk right now, but will reach out when you are ready.
You will carry this grief with you forever, but the intensity will not last
Right now, the shock and pain of losing your baby may feel all-consuming. It will feel like this for a while, maybe weeks or months. This grief will be an unwanted, but constant companion moving forward. Eventually, time, internal strength, and community will help this experience of grief transform from feeling like drowning to being hit by the waves to learning how to float in the water. This metaphor is simply here to say that you will likely always be in the water now, feeling some level of that grief, loss, and pain, but you will learn to navigate swells and rhythms of your emotions as you grow towards healing.
This loss is unimaginable, feels unbearable, and has forever changed you. Yet, your emotions will not always be this overwhelming. If you feel that it has been a while and you still are surviving through intense emotions that are significantly affecting you functioning in life, it might be the right time to reach out for help with your doctor or a therapist. The therapists at Simplify Life Counseling are trained and equipped to help you walk through this loss. Reach out and connect with us today.
Elizabeth Preston
