A Guide to Combating Negative Thought Patterns
Do you find yourself repeatedly thinking the same unhelpful thoughts, but just can’t seem to get out of it?
Do you notice thoughts that aren’t helpful, yet you feel stuck with them?
At the end of the day, we all think things we don’t want to. We feel bogged down by our thoughts and want a release from their negative impact on us.
Why do we keep getting stuck in those same thinking patterns that we know aren’t good for us?
The more we think a thought, it establishes a neural network of the thought in our brain!
Each time we tell ourselves a thought, the neurons make a path with that thought. Therefore, the more a thought occurs, the stronger and more established this path becomes.
When we try to tell ourselves a new positive thought that has NO neural network, naturally it would feel uncomfortable, inauthentic, and possibly just a waste of our mental energy. However, the more we focus on and embrace that positive thought, the stronger that neural network is going to become, leaving the other path to slowly diminish.
So, let’s look at ways we can make new neural networks and let go of some of our negative thinking patterns!
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“The more we focus on and embrace a positive thought, the stronger that neural network is going to become, leaving the negative path to slowly diminish.”
Step 1: Recognize it.
To begin, we must first identify the thought or neural network in order to change it.
It may feel challenging to figure out what exactly the core negative thought you believe is, so here is a list of some common ones.
Common recurring negative thoughts:
I am not worthy of love
I am an inconvenience or burden
I am worthless
I am inadequate
I am shameful
I am not lovable
I am not good enough
I am (permanently) damaged
I am ugly (my body is ugly)
I am not worthy of…
I am stupid (not smart enough)
I am insignificant (unimportant)
I am a disappointment
I deserve this
I am different (don’t belong)
I did something wrong
I should have done something
I should have known better
I cannot trust my judgment
I cannot trust anyone
I am weak; unable to stand up for myself
I cannot feel or show my emotions
I cannot let it out
I cannot take care of myself
I am not in control
I am powerless (helpless)
I cannot get what I want
I am a failure (will fail)
I cannot succeed
I have to be perfect (please everyone)
I am a bad person
Perhaps by looking at that list of common core negative beliefs, there was one that stood out to you. Take a moment and reflect on it.
When was a situation recently where you believed that about yourself?
When was the first time you told yourself this? Likely, it was a LONG time ago and every time you’ve told yourself that (either consciously or unconsciously), that thought pattern has only gotten stronger.
Before you can change the negative core belief, it is important to first and foremost recognize it, because we cannot do anything about it if we don’t know it is there in the first place. Once you’ve identified your belief, then you can move on to challenging it.
Step 2: Challenge it.
It is likely that even putting words to your negative core belief is leading you to want to change it. Often we don’t realize what we are truly believing about ourselves until we put it into a coherent statement.
Though it may sound weird, try saying your statement out loud. Simply hearing it verbalized can lead us to sometimes question its validity.
Ask yourself these questions when you are experiencing distress from the negative thoughts you wish weren’t taking up space in your mind:
Is this thought helpful or is this just that old part of me (neural network in reality) coming out to play?
Am I having this thought out of habit, or do the facts support it?
Is this thought based on facts or feelings?
What is the evidence that supports this thought? What is the evidence that challenges this thought? Is there more evidence that challenges this thought than supports it?
Do I have a trusted friend or family member whom I can check out these thoughts with?
What could be another way to think about this situation or myself?
Did someone pass this thought/belief to me? If so, are they a reliable source?
What would I say to a loved one if they thought this way about themselves?
What are the consequences of thinking this way about myself? What would the benefits be of changing this thought?
How is this thinking causing me to behave?
What would be different if I treated myself with curiosity and compassion instead of contempt and judgment?
Am I holding myself to a realistic standard?
Am I making any assumptions or jumping to conclusions?
Could my thought be an exaggeration of what’s true?
Am I only focusing on my areas of weakness and forgetting all my areas of strength?
Am I taking something personally which has little or nothing to do with me?
What would life be like if I didn’t believe this about myself?
What truth do I want to tell myself (or what new neural network do I want to reinforce) instead of this negative thought?
Remember, just like that thought didn’t form overnight, it won’t go away overnight, so you must discipline yourself in asking these types of questions regularly so that the negative thought pattern gradually gets weaker and the positive thought pattern gradually gets stronger.
“We become what we think about.” - Earl Nitingale
So who do you want to become? It all starts with how you think about yourself.
Therapy is designed to be a place to help you challenge negative thoughts with a safe person who will help guide you along the way.
If you are interested in receiving support as you seek to create new neural pathways, reach out to one of our Simplify Life counselors who are equipped and eager to help you have a healthier mental space.
Meet the Author - Sarah Durrance
In a world that consistently promotes doing better and trying harder, I aim to create an environment where you can let your defenses down, receive support, and know you are not on this journey alone.
Learn more about who I help and my passion to launch you forward in further experiencing the fullness of life.
Sarah Durrance, MA, CMHC
