Managing Emotions During The Holidays Using DBT Skills

The holidays can bring more than just the cheer of the season. The holiday season is known for bringing up nostalgic feelings. It is a time of family, friends, and giving. People often reflect on their year during this time. Holidays can bring our current life stresses to the surface, whether that be changing careers, a new baby, a loved one that has passed or the mourning of a desire. The holidays often bring our biggest emotions to the forefront. The holidays also show us the reality of our support systems, or where those might be lacking.

Here are some tips and tricks for managing our emotions during the change in our routines that the holidays bring.  It is important and helpful to remember how to emotionally regulate.

Practice STOP Don’t react, your emotions want you to act without thinking

Take a step back and take a deep breath  Practice triangle or square breathing. Allow your body to slow down to give you more control over your impulses. 

Observe your feelings and the situation Name your feelings and recognize your thoughts

Proceed Thinking about your feelings and goals. Think of the pros and cons of your actions going forward. 

Radical acceptance I like to phrase this as dropping the rope in the tug of war of proving ourselves. When the holidays come, we often look and see the achievements and failures of the year. I would call this “fail forward”. Saying phrases to yourself that are negative often increase the feelings of shame and guilt and don’t help our mental health. Practice an acceptance mindset!

Be honest and realistic, know that no feelings is final, acknowledge unfulfilled dreams with loving-kindness, and connect with others by humbly ask for help.

Problem-solving See if there is a way to change the situation. Acknowledge your time, community, and resources. Ask if there is room for extra self-care, ways of connecting with others, and limiting unnecessary activities in your calendar. It could be as simple as not looking at your phone for 30 minutes, taking a walk, calling a friend, journaling and more!

Self-soothe with the 5 senses Touch, taste, hear, see, smell

Look for the positives in the holiday season. Take time to name each of these senses and practice being present in the moment. This may be as small as tasting peppermint or seeing Christmas lights. Try to be present where you are and marvel at the moment.

The holidays are a potent and formidable time for so many of us. They cause us to reflect and process the seasons behind us. I would encourage you to slow down when possible, listen to yourself and accept yourself with loving-kindness. Enjoy and embrace what is presently in front of you.

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Meet the Author: Brooke Bourne Licensed Professional Counselor

Growing up I witnessed first hand the result of pain and the inability to learn from mistakes. I have always wanted to provide the tools for safety, security, and motivation to walk through trauma, anxiety, depression, and grief especially with kids, teens, and women.