“Big Baffling Behaviors” Book Review
All behavior makes sense! If your kiddo continues to do things you don’t understand, then this is the book for you!
This book provides quick and simple ways to understand your children’s reactions through understanding the brain, attachment, and temperaments. Robyn offers ways to connect with your children while helping them learn to regulate their emotions. This book is helpful for you as a parent to learn your own tools to help you stay calm even when your child is not!
One of my favorite topics in this book is the topic of felt safety. There are 3 different types of felt-safety. These are: Inside, Outside, and Between.
Inside is connected to how we feel safe or unsafe in our bodies. When you are aware of your body you can feel the cues and signals it is trying to send you! For example, we know when we feel hungry, tired, sick, and more. Maybe your child is feeling sad but has learned to mask this internal feeling due to not wanting to express it. Or they have experienced something scary that has caused them to be on guard often. They might be living with that "sick tummy" feeling often! If they express it, it might feel really big to them. These internal feelings and senses are easy to miss because we can’t see them!
Outside is how your child reacts to sensations outside of their body! Even though everyone has the same five senses as you: seeing, taste, touch, hearing, and smell, each person has a unique way of processing sensory information. Something might feel fine for you, but for your child, it might be too stinky, too loud, or just too much. If this is common for your kiddo, structure, predictability, and routine will be best for them.
Between is my personal favorite category of felt safety. This is where I have seen great progress with the families I work with. The between is when you and your kid can detect emotions and regulated states in others and each other. The child might show in their body language questions like “are you with me?” and “do you see me?” This felt safety is about being known and connecting with others in safe and affirming ways.
Some key phrases from the book that I find particularly helpful are:
Connection is contagious.
Our lower brain is continuously asking am I safe?
Self-safety is individual and involves our perspective of our stories!
This book is your next read if you feel stuck and need a deeper understanding of your kiddo! Robyn Gobble does a great job in this book and additionally provides podcasts, training, and handouts on her website!
I hope these tools were helpful for you! Our team would love to come alongside you as you explore these topics with parent coaching or meeting with your child!
Best, Brooke Lawrence APC, MA
Meet The Author Brooke Lawrence Licensed Associate Professional Counselor
Growing up I witnessed first hand the result of pain and the inability to learn from mistakes. I have always wanted to provide the tools for safety, security, and motivation to walk through trauma, anxiety, depression, and grief especially with kids, teens, and women.
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